EthiopianAmericanGirl

The chronicles of Ethiopian American life, outlooks and experiences.

Ethiopian’s only date Ethiopians…??? SAYS WHO?

38 Comments

I need to find the person that has been spreading this terrible rumor.  Who is she, and what was she thinking.  First of all Ethiopian MEN ARE BLACK MEN TOO.  It is probably one of the most annoying things to hear when I hear people say “Ethiopian women only date Ethiopian men”.  Who is spreading this rumor?

Maybe an Ethiopian Woman was trying to get out of talking to some weirdo that was approaching her and she told him Ethiopian women only date Ethiopian men.  Maybe it was her escape out of a bad relationship.  Either way the rumor has spread.

Who Knows what the reasons behind it is, but there is a presumption amongst most people that Ethiopian women are stuck up, snooty, think their better than everyone else, and won’t date anyone outside of their culture.  In all seriousness, by limiting myself to one ethnicity out of an entire race is stupid.  YES, I am open to any man of any race, of any ethnicity, of any cultural background.  So long as I am 1. Attracted to him, 2. He treats me with the same respect, dignity, love, and care as my father has given me in my life (I believe a woman’s father sets the standard for her expectations of the man she marries, therefore my standards are pretty high), 3. I need him to support me, not financially but mentally and emotionally, and 4. I need to know that no matter what at the end of the day I’m the last thing on his mind and when the sun rises I’m the first thing he thinks about.  I want real love.  Love is not embedded in a person’s race, ethnicity, or cultural background.  Love is about the persons character, spirit, and soul.

Do I have preferences? Of Course!  Every Ethiopian Girl would probably say that ideally she wants to marry an Ethiopian boy.  It would make a lot of things about merging lives so much easier.  He would already be familiar with my culture, he would automatically love the Ethiopian food, he would understand my family’s native language, and I wouldn’t have to translate.  What Ethiopian American Girl has not day dreamed about a Big Extravagant Ethiopian American Wedding day.  But is this realistic? I have my doubts.  I’m honestly pessimistic about the whole thing.  Maybe I’ll meet Mr.EthipianAmericanboy and we’ll fall in love and live happily ever after.  Until then………

So Dear Ethiopian Girl that is walking around saying Ethiopian Women only date Ethiopian Men, stop spreading this terrible rumor / lie, it’s untrue.  And if it’s true for yourself, then just say that YOU as an individual person, not the representative of all Ethiopian women, do not date Black men.

Yours Truely,

Just another Ethiopian American Girl.

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38 thoughts on “Ethiopian’s only date Ethiopians…??? SAYS WHO?

  1. It could also be that men just automatically assume because they heard ONE Ethiopian girl say she only dates Ethiopian guys, that all Ethiopian girls follow this rule. I mean, that’s just how any stereotype goes around. But I think girls who say that are in their own group by themselves….I like to call them FOBS. lol

  2. I stumbled on to this site looking for pictures of Ethiopian wedding and i couldn’t resist reading the blog. First of all, i don’t think you know what stereotype means; for anything to be a stereotype the issue has to be rejected by the majority of the ethnicity or community, in this case Ethiopians.
    second, i think you got it the other way round; just because you have these believes doesn’t mean everyone believes the same way.

    I am not in anyway advocating or supporting Ethiopian girls to stay in their own race, i am just stating the fact that majority of Ethiopian women do date their own race exclusively. I think you will be more credible if you researched why. I would tell you why but it is not my blog

    • Hi Thanks for your comment!
      The one thing I have enjoyed about writing this blog is reading opinions that differ from my own, or seeing how people may agree with my opinion. This blog is directly related to my own personal experiences and the experiences of those that I grew up around. I am born and raised in the United States, of Ethiopian Parents thus an Ethiopian American in its purest sense. You see I’ve lived a sort of dualism, balancing Ethiopian Culture as well as American Culture. Teetering between both worlds, finding my place comfortably somewhere in between.
      Your comment stated I do not know what stereotype means. The stereotype I was discussing is specifically regarding people that come to myself or my friends with the pre conceived notion that we ONLY exclusively date Ethiopian men, which in our cases is not true. I disagree with your definition of stereotype. stereotype means : 1. A conventional, formulaic, and oversimplified conception, opinion, or image.
      2. One that is regarded as embodying or conforming to a set image or type.
      - the opinion that people have that I am discussing fits snugly into the definitions I posted above.

      nonetheless you are probably right. I am sure that there are Ethiopians that do prefer to stay within their own race. I mean the reality is ideally, as I state in the post, dating someone with similar background is my personal preference. I just was discussing the oversimplified preconceived notion that I have faced.

      I appreciate your comment and hope you come back to read more/ comment again :-)

      • Thank you for your reply. I enjoy these kinds of conversations so thank you again. i think you have a point there with relating your comments to your own surrounding and what you are exposed to. let me declare a common ground and clear up that more and more Ethiopians are actually stepping out of their comfort zone and exploring. In my previous comment i stated that you didn’t know what stereotype meant and attacked your comments on it. by the way thank you for the webster dictionary definition lol. we can go on and on about it but i think you understood what I’m trying to say.
        I was simply trying to state the fact that for Ethiopians born and raised in mother land, they are under a cultural influence to stay within the race. Now, it could be because to find background commonality as you stated or because the culture provides a security in longevity of marriages since Ethiopians rarely get divorced or etc… The cushion is some how appealing and is assured by the culture. Since you were born here in America, you are not biased toward one side. you may not even know what I’m talking about but I applaud your stand and thats how it should be! and thanks for clearing up that Ethiopian women’s are not snobby and stuck up. i enjoyed your blog and your conversation. thanks again.

      • Let me ask you a question, will you marry a man that is not of your race if he treats you EXACTLY like you want a man to treat you? Also what is your views on religion? do you believe that in our case being orthodox Christians that the religion must be regarded when dating someone rather than ethnicity?

    • sup yonathan, this issue she is talking about is a sterotype because it is in fact REJECTED by many of the conservative ethiopians that walk around beliving that there is no better race or man than an ethiopian. And we all know why ethiopian women date their own race buddy; in a nutshell it has to do with culture and the fact that she is with a man that grew up like her and etc etc. I totally agree with what she is saying because I do not go a day in paranoia that my potential girlfriend will be blindly ridiculed by family members because she is not ethiopian. When it comes to culture I think it is safe to say that I am more of an American than ethiopian simply because I have been raised in the USA since infancy, I have made many multicultural friends and have worked with them as well (I guess its safe to say that I prefer the american culture over ethiopian even though I am proud of my native background) The idea of limiting myself, basically deliberately hardening my heart for other women rather than ethiopians is freaking scary. I hate psycing myself out, I hope I get to enjoy dating women I want rather than being enslaved by what ethiopian culture/society EXPECTS me to do.

  3. yes u were born and raised in america. i was born and raised in ethiopia. and i know as of this moment, marrying someone outside our race is considered ridiculous. do not judge when u dont live here. u cant represent us ethiopians when u didnt even grow up in ethiopia. ud feel different if u were here.

    • I appreciate your comment. I was simply speaking from the Ethiopian American perspective. I appreciate hearing about the Ethiopian perspective. My blog is not meant to judge by any means. Simply sharing my opinion based upon my experiences.

  4. I think I understand why you are saying this. I was born and raised in Addis ababa. That had given me a chance to raise with and be friend with boys/girls from all parts of the country. So, later, when I was dating, it has never crossed my mind about from which part of the country she is from – didn’t care if is she from north, south, west, east..as long as I am attracted to her. I believe the same analogy works here. Since you are born and raised here, you would have had friends from all countries and you won’t look at them as different.
    But, yea, for a guy/gal like me who was born and raised back home… you know it would feel more comfortable to be with ethiopian – I am not saying it should be, just would be!
    Just wanted to say – I understand why you are saying this.
    Please keep the good job. I found your blog searching specifically for amharic blogs and its kind of good. I will check check you regularly if you have something new.

  5. I also stumbled upon this website looking at pictures of Ethiopian weddings and I don’t necessarily think it’s a rumor. Most Ethio/Eri women do only date and prefer to date Habesha men. This obviously isn’t applicable to every Ethiopian and Eritrean woman but generally this is the “rule” and you’re the “exception” if that makes any sense. It’s just like saying Native American men only date Native American women, does that mean that every single one feels that way? No. But for the most part it’s reasonable to assume that they do. Also, for the most part all African people prefer to date within their own ethnicity, preferring to date within your ethnicity isn’t “stupid” if anything it could be considered progressive.

  6. It’s not any different than a white man prefer a white women. It’s not because all of them are prejedice. You don’t necessarly have to marry one to proof that you’re or you’re not prejudice. We are loving and respectful people, as so we love african american man as our brothers and fathers and respect their past and current strugel and admire them greatly.
    I think for most of us we feel comfortable with people who speak same language, and know our culture and he doesn’t have to feel outsider when family gathering or cultural celebration and holidays.
    The last I want to say is we always think one day I’ll go home I’m not planning to retire home, I mean we still send the dead body eventhough it’s expensive we can not afford it. We collect money and shipp it am I write. So it’s something not familiar or change make us insecure and scared as they say instead of unknown angel and known devil is prefered that was an old proverb I’m not sure if I put it correct. i think what I want to say is all continents people from chinese to ….remote Africa, people do what’s familiar even it’s sometimes seen by others strange. Culture….etc…as for me I always pland one day I’ll go home which I’m not sure but just a dream….that is the reason….

    • @ hewan …. I think u have “said all right” it does not mean it won’t happen but it will be considered exception other wise the whole sense of getting married is to be together in a similar and familiar world culture and custom ..in most case interracial relations are based on a poor and an acceptable reasoning and mostly it is not based on mutual love that is why most do not last
      danilotrue@yahoo.com

      • danitrue, you are gravely mistaken by the whole idea behind interracial dating. The reason interracial dating does not last is because the two partners have not accepted each other’s cultural background wholeheartedly they just dated for fun. When it comes to a serious relationship with someone of a different race many factors that can destroy the marriage would have to be addressed (primarily cultures of the couple) if both couples love each other regardless of where they are from they have also accepted each other’s family and customs AND have no reason to break up. There is no such thing as “poor” or “unreasonable” reasoning when it comes to this matter because it is nothing but emotional and spiritual attraction that put the two couple together, no different than an Ethiopian couple.

  7. I am an American white guy and my girlfriend is from Ethiopia. When my girl told her family that she was with a white guy they didn’t altogether dissaprove, but they weren’t thrilled about it either. They certainly would prefer that she marry an ethiopian guy, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But we all have to make our own choices in life. Some in my girlfriend’s family would be much less accepting of our relationship if I were African American. There does seem to be a stigma attached to African Americans with many people who migrate from Ethiopia to the United States. Be open minded. If you love someone then don’t let the people around you pressure you into living your life on their terms. By the same token, if you prefer to only date inside of your own race or culture then that’s ok too. There’s nothing wrong with either choice.

  8. This is a great blog where ppl post how they feel about their surroundings and personal life, I personally born and raised in Ethiopia I can say I leaved long enough in US to know the culture… , my experience with both American and Ethiopian men differs as each individual, yes we do have Strong Culture to the point where we letting it us to affect our life but it all boils down up to the Individual s self-steam and PERSONAL CHOISE . When it comes to trying out of your own race most of us had in the head already this “WHAT IF “instead of enjoying the connection and the love to avoid future fail. We have these fail in the community (misunderstanding, Divorce, Cheating) of course for those who are lucky great Marriage and Family in both world. We are taking a chance when we let strange in our life period, we are willing to blind date or arrange marriage just b/c she/he is from home or some know the family. we witness eight out of ten these marriage fail apart for miscommunication or luck of romance, all I am saying ppl should be judge by who they are not where they from, Skin color or race, we all should be open minded for TRUE LOVE Because when your heart is truly open, you see no color or distinction, just the beauty of life and love

  9. I’m Black American and I have dated Ethiopian women. 99.9% of Black Americans don’t pursue Ethiopian women. Ethiopians are BLACK(Hello)….even though many wish they wasn’t. Many Ethiopian women pursue white men because they think whites have money. Out of all Blacks, Black Americans collectively are the most respected and have the best quality of life. Many Africans respect Arabs and Whites more than they do themselves. Smh. Believe me, most Black Americans don’t have any interest in Ethiopians.

    • @Black American I don’t think ur comment was relevant with what was saying on the topic ,,,,you sound like you got some hate towrads to Ethiopian women, sorry if you were hurt but you need to get over it and keep it moving…. speek for urslef…u cant represnet every Black men… you sound stupid,folks like this dont need to be heared….. ignorance at it’s best!!!!

    • Lol. And u are sure you aren’t bitter against Ethiopian women [for not wanting to date you], right? :-)

  10. Im an Ethiopian woman ans I love black men.us wanting to marry our own doesnt make us snooty or stuck up, we were just strictly raised to marry within our own culture. However when dating my other Ethiopian girls and I usually want a black tall man. We do not want a relationship with an Ethiopian man till we are ready to settle down.

    • But what if you fall in love with him? And why would you play games with people’s feelings?

    • I dont understand this whole idea of being strictly raised to be with a man/woman of our own culture. To me is sounds like you do not have a personal choice because the Ethiopian culture is what seems to dictate the serious choices you make rather than YOU!

    • Why would you play with some ones heart like that though? And if you love black men why not marry one?

  11. I’m black american and i’ve dated two ethiopian girls in the past. met their families and friends and was always welcomed with open arms. i’ve never detected any kinda hostility or attitude from ethiopians towards aa. in fact i can’t think of a warmer more welcoming people. but i can only speak from my own personal experience.

    imo, if you’re a tall good looking guy with his stuff together, in america you won’t have a problem getting with any beautiful woman of any race or ethnicity.

    • In all honesty a genuine man with an education that has his stuff together should not have a problem with being accepted by the family of his girlfriend no matter where she is from. It is as if the whole ideology behind not being allowed to marry outside of your race is “exaggerated” in a sense

  12. Hello every one I have been with a Eritrean woman for almost three years now. I have not met her older brothers or mother. They have been in the us for only 4 years now. She is horrified about people finding out because of the ridicule she would get from the community.

    • you have ze 2 choices. ok my friend, u can take her for ze marry and be to live a private life and never meet wiz her family or friends, or you can accept ze life with her no commitment and only for playing games and still be in ze closet. She will never tell everyone about you because ze culture like this ok, if you not habesha you cannot understand. you see we always like to preserve our tradition wis our kids. many of us know our lineage more zan ze 8 generation ok. and we know zat

      • It’s been almost five years now. I’ve now met one of her cousins Helu her little sister Kisu and her youngest brother Abel. It’s been worth the wait we will make it past all the stereotypes because we love each other and both now understand that we both love Christ our Lord and who ever disagrees or is mad are not lovers of our mighty Lord and must break themselves for the evil of hatred.

      • I understand that. But nebiat and I are going to change that. We are in love and plan to get married soon. We plan on going to Ethiopia to meet her father soon.

  13. Just as a data point……I’m white British. I am lucky enough to have been loved by a Habesha for 2 years. Some of her (now our) friends date / marry white or other non-Ethiopian black guys. Not one has experienced disapproval from their partner’s friends or family by virtue of skin colour. I too have yet to meet many more welcoming open-minded tolerant races – my personal explanation is that few peoples are as culturally confident and can be as justifiably proud of their national heritage as Ethiopians. And if Ethiopian men are as amazing as partners as their sisters, I would completely understand if Americans and European guys of any skin color didn’t get a look in.

    Smile, if you’re in addis!

  14. ETHIOPIA

  15. I know why cultural pressure. I’m dealing with this right now.

  16. Good question: and the answer is yes, 99% of Ethiopians women and men dates, marry or associate exclusively within themselves… I m an historian and writer, studying African history, being in more than 9 African countries, 5 times in Ethiopia… First of all, I see many people on this blog keep referring Ethiopia as a race, this is funny; there are only five races of human on planet earth; red(Indians), white (European) yellow (Asian) black(African) and Arabs. So Ethiopians are blacks… On my several trips to Ethiopia, Eritrea, I was called African by many uneducated Ethiopians, If I ask them if they who are they ? The responded that they are abasha, lol… To them abasha is a race, so I did my research from Eritrea to Axum, and what I discover is that the word Abasha simply describe a mixture of Arabs with Africans. In 5 century the Arabs from Oman, Yemen invaded northern of Africa, powerful at that time, enslaving Africans and imposing to them Islam. And they took many women as wife. This mixture of Arabs and African brought in light skins Africans, this last one called themselves abasha (in Amharic)… But the mixture was so slander. Since then being a mixture in northern Africa was a good thing, it s normal, everybody like to belong to a master race. This behavior or believe spread all over north Africa, Somalia, Ethiopia, Djibouti Eritrea and Ethiopia. Today most uneducated Ethiopians still believe that they are better than other black people, sad but true. So this is the biggest raison why they like to date or marry they own countrymen, . Now is it a bad or good thing? From my own point of view I think is the saddest and ignorant think to do. Specially for Ethiopians or Somalians living outside of their motherland. Why!! Because the only way to stop and understand racism, apartheid, discrimination or tribalism is total mixture. Nothing to gain but loosing everything while marrying only your countrymen: one best example; Do you think if Obama father came to America and married only a Kenyan women, should we have a first black president today???? No… In short if Obama father was Ethiopian and marry Ethiopian woman, clearly he wouldn’t be president… To all Ethiopians, Somalians, Eritrean, you are loosing alot by associating, talking, dating, and marrying only within yourself… Thx to all…

  17. Ok I am an ethiopia guy living in USA. I am going to express my opinion here. To be honest with you, when I see an ethiopian women with other race, i get mad because i feel like she is a hopeless women who i not leading a proper life. I do not consider myself either black or white. WE are just Ethiopians from a holyland with beautiful culture which is completely different from the rest of the world. I am not a racist here am just expressing whats inside of my mind. I do not date with other women except habesha. I love african people though.

  18. I am ethiopian women i will never think for a second to go out with either black or white. …..ethiopians within ethiopia am just saying

  19. I am an African American male and I am currently dating an Ethiopian American woman. We have some cultural difference but we are both good people! Of course it’s easier to date people who are familiar with everything about your culture. It’s also cool to learn new things. Good and evil is in every culture. There are
    Ethiopian, African American, Asian etc people who I would never date due to their lack of ambition, behavior, and overall outlook on life! This was a good read. Some of the comments were legitimate. Other comments reflected ignorance. Interesting blog.

  20. If I may be allowed to do so, I would love to share a few heartfelt thoughts regarding this site. What I’ve seen on this page is unquestionably amazing. I am an African American male, who, for the past 27 years has seen the nefarious and egregious crimes caused by the European Colonization machine. Over the years I have interacted with many Black people from every conceivable corner of this globe and I am honored to say we are so amazing in so many regards. Being an African American born on U.S. soil, I will attempt, to the best of my ability, to generate useful, friendly conversations that builds bridges rather than tears down walls. My most recent research has me very interested in Ethiopian culture in so many regards. You truly are an amazing people. I se so many blogs that suggest Ethi’s/Eri”s are clannish and don’t want outsiders entering their camps. Without saying my age, let me tell you that many African Americans in the bigger cities have treated Caribbean and African black so poorly in the 70s and 80s I can almost understand why other non AA blacks might not have the greatest opinion of us. Well my job and my charter is to correct this to the painfully infinitesimal degree that I can. Cutting to the quick, I recently befriended a beautiful young Ethiopian lady. I would be more than lying if I said her appearance was not earth shattering. She is one of the most beautiful woman I’ve even looked upon. But that quickly took a back seat to her intellect, demeanor, and person. I can honestly say I really don’t look at her “like that.” I truly adore her on so many levels. But here is where the tricky part lies. I see so many negative posts saying Ethi/Eri’s are like this and like that. Well the truth is “All People Are Like This.” I have no idea if there is any chance for romance in this regard, but I know this, If I fell in love with such a person, I wouldn’t be that worried about external pressures because her entire circle would know how loved and adored she is. I am a well degreed, well careered, well-meaning person that will let no one, but God judge me.

    me’elkam ken yihunilachehu

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